Who played with YOU?

Sometimes when parents/caregivers come into their intake sessions in the playroom they are often asked “so, who played with you as a child?”. This question can take people a back at first, after all they are here for their child who often has difficulty with emotional regulation, why are they being asked about their childhood?

Often as adults we can minimize our own childhood experiences, and then expect our kids to work out their own childhoods without reflecting on our own first. Like it or not we are ALL social beings, and all need connection and care. Our very first instinct as babies are that we are wired biologically to look for the people to show us care.

Its worth asking……..

What toys did you play with as a child? Did you spend time outside playing?

Who did you feel safe with?

Who played/spent time with you?

How did you feel when you felt they were really listening to you?

If you didn’t experience these things, that is ok!

I like to say “replace judgement with reflection”

Research is clear that if a child has ONE positive adult influence in their lives, their ability to cope with trauma, develop resilience, build positive relationships. Think about who this person was for you; was it a parent? A teacher? A neighbour? An aunt? A therapist? A friends parent/caregiver?

Now think about what you did with them, was sometimes it JUST spending time together? You felt listened, you felt heard, you felt you were in control of something which can feel so nice as a kid, they given you the ‘control’ to talk about what YOU want to talk about, what you want to play with. They gave you space to try and work the tricky things out, but also always acted as a sounding board, accepting who you were.

When a child walks into the playroom, that’s what they get from their play therapist. An adult who is a positive and safe role model for them, to play, explore, to show regulation, to just be themselves.

Think about now what your safe adult did for you and replicate that for your kiddos. It doesn’t need to be expensive, or fancy, or have a big plan.

Remember, playing and being with your child is enough, and so are you 😊

Karla Donaldson - Play Therapist at Kids Inspired