“Recently a member of our family has died & my child is asking questions, what should I do?”

Kids Inspired
2 minutes ago
2 min read

A question that comes up from parents/caregivers is around asking what to do when their child, particularly a younger child, starts talking about death or experiences a death in their life. It can cause the adults stress around the best response in order to not traumatise the child.

FIRSTLY, take a breath :)

Remember that it's developmentally normal for children to have lots of questions and be curious around the concept of death/loss even if they've never experienced death/loss personally. Children as young as 4 have asked me questions about death in the playroom. Every child/young person will process the concept of death in vastly different ways & its best to judge the level of information you feel your child is able to understand for yourself.

Be prepared for questions you might not have thought of, one of my families was shocked when their child asked THEM if they will die one day.

QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF:

What are the current beliefs you have in your family unit? Eg. Are there religious beliefs?
Has the child witnessed death/loss? Eg. A family member passing away? A pet dieing?
Are there any triggers around death for ME personally?

TIPS:

Reflect on your own triggers first
Use clear language e.g. death, instead of passed away
Create routines and traditions around death to support children eg making memory boxes
Understand that death makes everyone feel out of control, allow children to have more control over small things when death occurs in their world e.g. “its been a hard week hasnt it? Would you like to go to the park for extra time today?”
Be honest, within limits, with your own feelings “dad thought about aunty Lisa today too and I cried, it's normal to cry when someone dies”
Be aware that children can continue to ask the same questions & accept this
Research tips around how to support your child